stop pressuring me!

while today is Easter many people are going to sunrise service and posting all over facebook about how "He is Risen" but tomorrow they will go right back to posting their same old stuff talking about drinks and party with the friends at the club this week on spring break. someone also posted about how today was "amateur day" at church and how the people who only come twice a year (Easter & Christmas) will be coming today. that sort of just rubbed me the wrong way. for someone who claims to be so Christian and talking about going to church that was an asinine comment to make. there are many many reasons i will never ever step foot in another church again! and it's people like that that just confirm my feelings about church. people try to say "you don't go to church for the people there you go for the preaching" but i'm sorry when there are people  like there  i don't want to be affiliated with them at all.

it seems lately that i can't go anywhere or talk to anyone without the first few words out of their mouth being "where or do you go to church anywhere" i've tried to be nice when answering them and say that no i don't go anywhere because i just haven't found one that i can believe in. that's when they start in on their spill of "ohh you should join us we.... and we.... and it's so grand and wonderful" UGH! do you know how many times i've heard that mess especially lately?! i get SO sick of people trying to cram "their church" down my throat. i'm going to start not being very nice about it. just stop it already. i went to a church one time, i was a member there and they appeared to be great. then when i tried to confide in someone there they not only went to the other youth pastor but the preacher, the assistant preacher, the music director and all of their wives!! then they went to my parents and all ganged up on me and had an "intervention" with me. my parents didn't tell me and all of a sudden they all showed up on our doorstep one night and my parents left me there with all of them. they preached to me about how i needed to change my ways and i didn't need to do this or that and such. what's so funny this not only happened once but twice!!! they told me that i was no longer allowed to work in the nursery with the kids because they were afraid i would be a bad influence on them & the parents didn't want me near them either. so obviously this meeting they had with me wasn't just between us, but the entire freaking church knew about it and no tellings how many wires were crossed about what actually happened.

you want the story? the REAL story... it was my 17th birthday. me and one of my cheer friends left after a basketball game to go to hooters to eat. anyone who wanted to join was allowed to come. i wasn't considered popular by NO means but i just left it up to anyone. several guys from the basketball team came and they were mostly the ones i had gone to elementary school with for years and we always celebrated our birthdays together. the waitresses did the typical stand in a chair, hula hoop, sing to you for your birthday spill.  then when we were ready to leave all the guys helped me carry the cake my mom had got for me, the balloons hooters had gave me and whatever else there was. there was also a guy that went along that had some interest in me, he was older and out of HS. then when when we all left because it was late, concord mills was still new i pulled out on the wrong side of the median and was pulled over as soon as i realized it and was able to get back on the right side of the road. everyone else in our party was stopped as well. they thought we had all been drinking!! we were 17 seriously?! but supposably someone from the church was there and saw all of this and told the preachers. i lost my car for the remainder of the school year, i wasn't allowed to go anywhere, no dates, nothing. if i went home on the bus and i had practice or a game i had to either walk or find a ride back to the school because my parents weren't going to take off work to drive me back. it sucked!!! but here's the double standard that really pissed me off, they came after ME not this "other person" that was also at hooters and ostracize them like they did me.

after all of that my parents still made me go to this place knowing that these "preachers" told some twisted story and it swirled and no tellings what everyone thought actually happened. eventually i just flat out refused to attend that "church" anymore. what's even more pathetic is that this whole time they were preaching to me about how i didn't need to do this or that one of the youth leaders was returning to his alcoholic ways, cheating on his wife and beating her. did they go after him, no! that's not somewhere i want to associate with. i've got several invites from people to return to this church. no thanks i'd rather be locked in a room with anthony first! and then the second time i was burned by a church... i married into it. i was very involved with the youth, i did children's church every sunday, planned out amazing lessons, spent a lot of my time and money for activities for them to do and when we divorced i tried talking with our preacher and he just turned his back on me. wouldn't speak to me, wouldn't help, wouldn't do anything. years later i learned that several other people from that church that were held in such high regard were also divorcing for the same reasons we divorced and they were turned away too. so why on earth would i ever want to attempt at returning to another church?! i don't want to hear this about "you need to find your home, you need to go to church, not all of them are like that you need to come to MY church, etc, etc" guess what i don't want to go to ANY church anymore, EVER AGAIN!!

no where does it say that i HAVE to go to a building and worship, sing songs and listen to a preacher to be a Christian. being a Christian isn't about exposing it for all the world to see and flaunting "your church" and getting more members. it's in your heart and that relationship is between you and God. i've been to some places that after a few visits if you didn't join after a few times they no longer spoke to you because you weren't helping their numbers. i just can't get into the whole organized religion anymore. i can't trust people anymore to get near a church. and what pisses me off so bad is when i tell people my true feelings about church they say they will pray for me because i'm lost and that they hope i find my way. i don't need that. i know who God is. i believe in God. what i don't believe in is people pushing THEIR church down MY throat. i don't believe in attending church every sunday but on saturday night going out partying. i don't live this perfect straight & narrow life i'm not going to claim that i do. i wasn't brought up in a family that attended church every sunday. my mawmaw hasn't been able to go to church in several years due to health reasons and even she doesn't believe you have to be in that building every time the doors are open to be a Christian. and she's from "the old school" aka Southern Baptist. just because i don't worship the same way you do doesn't mean i don't. but PLEASE STOP pressuring me to go to your church or find my "home" because i need God in my life. i already have him thank you.