it's been a week and i still want to pick up the phone and call her to chat and tell her about the crazy things the boys have done over the last week. tell her that jaxon learned to say "i love you" just today, branson is driving us crazy about the new cars movie and just to talk to her. but i can't. how is this possible? she was suppose to be here! she was suppose to see jaxon turn 2 and branson start school. she was suppose to be here for when & if we had another baby. she loved babies, couldn't wait to get her hands on jaxon every time she saw him. i hate this!! halloween won't be the same this year either because for the last 27 years i have dressed up and went to see her on halloween. every christmas eve we spent time with her. she should be here and dammit she's not. branson always loved to call her and talk to her, just... to talk now he can't do that. i can't do that. lana can't do that. roger can't do that. matt said he was working a store last week after she passed and someone was fixing lunch. he said it smelled really good and asked what it was. they told him it was vegetable soup and he remembered aunt nanny promised him she would make him some. she got too sick and never got the chance to make him any. it broke his heart and he had to leave pretty fast. she was a good cook & made the best spaghetti. i miss her. i miss her crazy laugh and her smile even though i know she's in a better place and she isn't hurting or tired anymore. i'm selfish and would rather have her to here to see my babies grow up like she watched me.
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