omg i am SO over this!!! i absolutely 100% HATE HATE HATE being pregnant!!! and the comments "oh not much longer, it'll be worth the wait" yeah shut up! i absolutely don't want to hear ANY of those comments bc this sucks! i'm sick of feeling fat, i'm tired of not being able to sleep, i'm tired of not having any energy but most of all being fat. i never struggled with my weight with the boys as far as gaining it bothering me. but this time it really does. i tihnk bc i had lost so much weight before getting pregnant and was really enjoying being able to fit in smaller clothes and actually liking how i looked. i enjoyed being pregnant with the boys, it was fun. i had energy, i felt good to go do things all the time even with the mass amounts of problems i had. but with this being pretty much 'normal' i feel like crap. what's the freaking deal!? i don't feel good enough to clean like i used to, i do get tired of sitting at home all the time but then i never feel good enough to get out either. i'm really really ill and stupid people make it worse with their stupid comments. and no it's not bc i'm anxious for her to get here i really truly hate being pregnant this time!! there's nothing enjoyable about it. it's annoying and boring and the "fun" has wore out it's welcome.
i've never had a 'normal' pregnancy and if this is what it is then it sucks! bc not having any energy is awful. and having 2 other kids has nothing to do with it bc i had 1 last time and felt great. by now with the boys i had already been in the hospital multiple times. and it has even been confusing dr hall bc everyone was prepared for this time to be really bad. 2 previous preterms with major problems pretty much guarantees future pregnancies to have major problems as well. and don't say "oh well every pregnancy is different" bc this is straight from dr hall's mouth! you can't just have 2 pregnancies that were preterm and then have a normal one, it's typically the other way around. omg i just want to scream bc i hate this so much! i am seriously so moody all the time. everything gets on my nerves. i have to take something to sleep every night and i never had to do that with the boys. i slept fine, nothing really bothered me. but i think the fact that i have 2 vajayjays right now is REALLY making me extra pissy. and it all can't be blamed on hormones bc well i'm like this all the time it's just worse now bc there's nothing i can do to evict this kid myself. well there is but those options only work if your body and baby are ready. plus i really wouldn't want a 31 weeker either, so i don't want people thinking i want her here like now, like right now. i mean i do bc i'm being selfish for myself and want my body back in my control but i can/ could wait 3-5 more weeks but after that it's NOT going to be pretty!! i will promise you that. i'm just too worried that they'll keep telling me that since nothing is happening just ride it out and then something like last time happens or even worse... we're out somewhere eating and far far away from home and matt has to do it himself. or worse.... i'm home alone with the boys. you'd think that they would want to make sure something like last time didn't happen and maybe even take me in earlier (37 weeks) and that's not really even that early! that's considered term now. ugh just get this kid out of me soon or else keep the stupid people and their comments away from me so i don't kill anyone.
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