tomorrow he turns 5. five? can you believe it! do you remember his birthday? did you even think about him? i know i ask these same questions every year at his birthday because i can't help but wonder if you do. does any of your family think or ask about him or was he just a memory never to be thought about again? wiith or without you, obviously withOUT you, he's doing great. we're having his party today. he's finally getting his Cars party that he's wanted for so long. he's done nothing but talk about it since jaxon's party in august. when we went shopping last week to get the supplies he was just walking around the store all chipper tossing things in the buggie. every day this week he's told jaxon about who's coming and what we're eating. he's so thrilled. we bought him a new 'big blue DS' that he's been asking for since he played his other one so much it broke. he even has a McQueen shirt on he picked out just to wear special for today. he wanted everything at the party to be red or Cars. i made him a red velvet cake & red punch. oh did you know he's going to be a big brother again. this time to a little sister. oh my gosh he's SO excited about his little sister coming too. yesterday when matt came home with a pink tree for her room he got so upset because he wants a white tree with colored lights for his room. but after i put it up he said his sister's tree looked so pretty in her room. you would be so surprised at how much h's grown since you saw him 4 years ago. he's a little adult. he has his own personality and even attitude! he too smart for his own good. he got really excited when he got a new 'big boy' carseat and can wear a seat belt instead of a 5 point harness anymore. he's so independent and such a huge help. he's taught jaxon so much. he still likes to clean, hates bugs, wants his hair styled when we go out somewhere, loves golf and watching football on sundays with brother and daddy. and xbox.... oh my gosh that kid can play and beat matt a lot of times. he's really good at the racing games too. tomorrow i'm going to take him to the movies on his birthday and watch the muppets. he's been asking about it since he saw the commercials for it. there's so many things you don't know and will never know about him. but his life is so much better without you or your little wifey and family around. i just wished you sign over your rights. you may think i still hate you but i don't. what do i get out of life hating you for the rest of mine? nothing. i have better things to do with my time. i just wished that one day you would see these yearly letters i've wrote to you. many times i've thought about printing them out and mailing them to you. who knows, maybe one day i will. i just wished you could see what an amazing little boy you're missing out on. he's so full of life and character! he can make you laugh til you cry at some of the things he says and then other times he can get under your skin so bad you could choke him. i think that part comes from you. but still, everyone thinks he mirrors me and looks just like me now except the eyes. he does have so many of my traits and funny, he has a lot of matt's too. he loves jaxon to pieces and he will love his sister just as much. maybe one day you will see him and realize either what a good thing you did by leaving or how much you hate yourself for missing out on such an incredible boy. no matter what though he's one very loved little boy!
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