if only we were Asian...

i know i'm going to piss people off with this but honestly i don't care. i am sick to death of constantly having to defend having boys. why is it that in the last several years everything is focused on having girls, the desire for girls and if you don't have a girl then something is wrong with you and you must "try for a girl".  yea like i can really "try for a girl" seriously people?! i mean can people really be THAT stupid to think that i get to pick what i want or what i get? i feel like i am constantly having to defend to people that i'm ok with having all boys. i used to not be. i cried every time i had to walk past the racks and racks and RACKS of girls clothes to get to the tiny rack in the back of boys clothes. i cried when i saw a pretty newborn little girl draped with her blanket and cute little outfit. it ripped my heart out. but now i absolutely love having my 2 boys. they are best friends. they get along so good!! do i still get nasty comments from people, yes. do i get nasty stares, yes. and all just because they are boys. i could see if they were running around screaming, yelling and being annoying but i don't allow that type of behavior. my boys are well behaved. they listen, they are made to listen. why can't someone comment on how well behaved they are, not that fact that "ohh bless your heart, all boys" why bless my heart??? why do people say that? there is a misconception about boys being wild, loud, dirty and mean. is that why they say that. not all boys are like that. 

perfect example: when we went to the beach last year with my BIL, SIL & their 3 boys we went to eat one morning. while matt & my SIL stayed inside to pay me, my BIL and the 5 boys walked out to the car. me & my BIL were on the ends, carrying a baby carrier each with the youngest 2 boys in them. and the 3 other boys were walking together, holding hands between us. it was really sweet. they were being so good, listening and oh it was just precious. an old woman stopped us, gasped very loudly and said "OH MY GOSH FIVE BOYS!!! how terrible!!!" that flew all over me! wouldn't it you, well if you're a mom of boys then you'd get how horrible that statement was. i stopped dead in my tracks and gave her the nastiest look and a snippy reply back. i told her that only 2 were mine and the other 3 were his. and how terrible it was of her to comment on their gender yet she couldn't say something nice about how well behaved they were. and walked off, leaving her jaw on the ground. be rude to me, you're going to get rude right back!! why couldn't she make a nice comment about how well behaved they were instead of something so hateful about their gender. why is what hangs between the legs of my kids defines how people treat me or them? 

when going to a store it's a constant reminder that i don't have a girl. things as simple as a baby swing come in bright pink and then there's the other version. think i'm kidding... just pay attention next time you're in walmart, target or babiesRus. there's a special line just for girls things now. take these items for example,

this product is is bright and colorful. it's also $69.99

(http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=11059895)

while this product is the EXACT SAME THING only in pink and also $10 MORE!! you're paying for the pink!! you mean to tell me you'll pay an extra $10 just so your daughter can have pink?(http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=3544769)

yet another very cute & colorful playmat $64.99

(http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=3068944)

then they have to make a girl version of the EXACT SAME THING for this time for $15 MORE!!

(http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=3929442)

these are just a few items that have their own line of pink. why do this? why make something in bright colorful patterns that babies prefer and doctors even recommend and then another line catered specifically to girls? it makes people like especially my friend who was just told she's having her 4th boy suffer from gender disappointment. and for anyone who wants to say gender disappointment is a load of crap then YOU are a load of crap. this is a real issue and many many mothers can't talk about it or won't talk about it because then they get grief from EVERYONE about how they are so ungrateful, how they should appreciate what they do have. most of the ones that are saying that GOT the gender they wanted. as i've posted a lot lately on facebook it's ONLY Americans that make us feel like crap for having all boys. other countries would LOVE to have all boys. the more sons people of Asian culture have the richer they consider themselves. back when families had to farm land they wanted sons to help with the farming. sons also carry on the family name which is what many families wanted back then. 

so why all of a sudden in the last several years have girls been so desired and if you don't have a girl then there's something wrong with you and you SHOULD have a girl. i got so many people being so hateful and rude to me when i was upset that i was having another boy when i was pregnant with jaxon. many of them made nasty comments on my statuses, deleted or blocked me from facebook. it was horrible! i cried for 2 weeks after my gender scan. i refused to go in stores shopping because everywhere i turned there was more pink frilly things for girls staring me in the face. taunting me because i would never get to buy those things. but that's because they got the gender they desired, a girl. when i was pregnant everyone else around me kept getting girls. and then they would go out and buy everything under the sun pink for their first child. it's people like them that these companies love. because they know they'll buy all this pink stuff leaving nothing for moms with boys to choose from. why do you feel the need to have to have everything pink?? rattles, bottles, cups, playmats, pack n plays, swings, especially for a FIRST child when you plan on having more in the future. what if you have a boy? then you have to get rid of all the pink stuff. and just think you paid $10-$15 more for it than if you would have bought the gender neutral stuff. me, personally girl or boy i would still always buy gender neutral things such as swings, carseats, etc because they are prettier anyway. who wants pepto pink all over their house?!! if you came into my house and looked at the toys you may not honestly know what gender i have because things are bright and colorful, not gender specific. you may say because i have boys i say i wouldn't buy those things but if i had a girl i would buy everything pink. no, still i wouldn't. 

gender disappointment is something that many people just do not accept or acknowledge. but i joined a site with women who can openly discuss it and not be made to feel like they are so ungrateful. a few of them have 7 boys or 5 girls. they have all of one gender and want the opposite, just 1 that's all they ask for. it's not that they don't love the children & gender they have, they grieve for the child they will never have, the gender they will never get to experience raising. to know what it's like to shop on "the other side of the store". to know what it's like to be a mother to one of each. they are different and anyone who says that it's the same raising them is lying. it's not and i may never get the opportunity to know either. does that make me love my boys less, no. but it does make me grief for the daughter that i will never get to take shopping, spend time with at the salon with, get to pick out her prom and wedding dress. i will be labeled the hateful mother in law when my son's get married and labeled as "the other woman". at my son's wedding my opinion will not matter when it comes to his future wife's dress, the venue, the colors. i won't get to be in on those special moments. it will be her & her mother. 

some have made comments to me that i may have all sons but then i could be the grandma with all granddaughters. IT'S NOT THE SAME!!! just like friends have told me "well you have a niece". it's different, THEY ARE NOT MY DAUGHTER!!! i can't take her out shopping and buy her cute dresses because that's not what you would put her in. so i'd be wasting my money buying those outfits. like i said it's not the same, they aren't mine. i hope this blog has opened some peoples eyes about the comments they make about people will all boys. i hope i've shown you that because you got the daughter you always wanted or the pp (perfect pair, one of each) that not everyone gets that. that the things you say and do really hurt! just because you write "congrats on another boy but i was hoping it was a girl haha" doesn't make it funny. it actually pisses me off. it's not even YOUR baby so what do you care about it's gender? how do you think *I* feel? what makes you think i didn't want a daughter? i've even heard people comment about how much it sucks to have a boy because they find way cuter things for their daughter than their son. really? someone even once said to me that they didn't want a boy, they wanted another girl. seriously??? at least you have one, i have NONE! and i am the WRONG person to say those things to because you will be put in your place very quickly!

this blog isn't about how i devalue by boys because i love them very much! i love having the 2 i have. but do i want anymore boys? honestly, no. but i don't get to choose. if God thinks i'm crazy enough to have 3 boys one day then i hope He he plans on giving me a LOT of patiences to deal with idiots and their comments so that i don't kill them when they say something hateful. this blog is about how others make us feel like we SHOULD have a girl and put so much pressure on us to have a girl. so next time before you start to open your mouth to a mom of all boys remember this blog. remember she may be like me and say something back to you that you might not want to hear.